I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
