okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
