My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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