Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Small penises have feelings too.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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