Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
