where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
