In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
