so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
