I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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