we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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