Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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