I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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