Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
