Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
