I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
