tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
