You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
