TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
