i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
