ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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