Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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