the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
