Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
