Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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