Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
