You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
