I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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