It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
