Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
