This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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