I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
