So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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