the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
