So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
