Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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