I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
