This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
