So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My penis needs a shock collar
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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