if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's blow job season.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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