So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dicks are not precious.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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