You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
