You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
