i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Randomize
