We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
