I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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