oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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