you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
