I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
