If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
