Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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