Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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