So drunk its hurt
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Even my vagina gasped.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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