I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
