Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
