Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
