Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They took my balls.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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