Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
