If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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