Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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