I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
