I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
