ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
BRING THE BAGELS
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
