I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
