I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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