So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
