I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
