Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
