I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize