And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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