I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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