OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
