i always forget guys have bellybuttons
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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