He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
