how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
