After last night, I could never be a politician.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
