when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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