I'm really into asian looking animals
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
