We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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