some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
