i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
