its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
