the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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