It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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