Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
