I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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