a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
