He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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