Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
