can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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