3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
