____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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