dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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