I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
