What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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