just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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