So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my phone needs a breathalizer
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
