even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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