I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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