Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
