can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
