If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
