Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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