"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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