I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
