new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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