ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
